Welcome Back...

Well, I finally got the clear blue skies I was hoping for – along with a stink of sewage emanating from our sinks and baths. So glad to be back. I have learnt many things over the last few days and here are some of them.

1. It is not a good idea to walk the dog in tornado weather whilst wearing jeans - unless, of course, one has just spent five weeks eating and drinking and not exercising, in which case a walk with heavy weights strapped to one's legs might be a good idea. (though it might not feel like it at the time – especially if one is being hit by stinging, bullet-like rain.)

2. It is not a good idea to have a septic tank system which is liable to overflow in storms – especially if it relies on a pump which needs power – unless one wants to spend 48 hours bring unable to flush toilets or use any water for fear having one's house flooded with raw sewage. Which I don't.

3. It is not a good idea to raid the emergency candle store for a party, thinking that one will replenish supplies of candles before the next power cut.

4. It is not a good idea to have a moulting labrador in the house when the floors are damp and sticky. To quote some guy who used to write songs: “Where'ere you walk, the floor shall be covered in fur.”

5. Drinking copious amounts of coffee in order to combat jet lag does not help to ease back into a new time zone.

6. When starting children at a new school, it is not necessarily a good idea, for their sense of equilibrium, to wing them across the world to a flood zone a couple of days beforehand.

7. It IS a good idea to get your chickens slaughtered by a fox a few weeks before their coop is thrown across the garden by gale force winds. I think.

7. It is not a good idea to have three cats who won't use a litter tray and are too wussy to go outside in a tornado.

9. It is not a good idea to make repeated smug comments to snow bound people about swimming pools and heat.

10. When all is said and done, we are still a million times luckier than most people in this world. At the risk of being nauseating, we still have each other and toilet paper. What else could you ask for?